I’m being prey to angst lately. I wonder why my outbursts have to happen at such odd hours.
For example during the twilight hours at around two in the morning when there’s no one but Sylvain awake on his computer. I’m sorry Sylvain.
First I’m cold then I laugh then I’m a bitch then I don’t talk anymore then I run back to you when all seems to be falling down. I don’t know where I’m heading myself and it feels horrible.
I get this huge depression fits where I just feel loneliness and get so peeved up by everything. I don’t want to tell everyone out there exactly what goes through my mind but I imagine myself doing stuff and just thinking about them makes me feel scared. That’s when I just want to grip onto anything with a heartbeat.
And I finally fall asleep and wake up two hours later. I feel exhausted.
Way to start a new year.
I had a weird dream last night. I was talking to some of my guy friends about their ex-girlfriends and mentally comparing myself to each of them. It was getting ridiculous. I got mad jealous when one of the guys told me his model like girl had a pet stingray. It felt so unfair.
Not that I want a pet stingray but I’m still in my stingray phase. Those animals are amazing. I love stingrays.
Which leads us to my non existent love life. Roxane has been teasing me about it. Of course, some circumstances may lead to think that someone really pleases me but, to be honest, I’m not sure about the whole thing myself. I might just be being selfish because I wish I had someone to lean on all for myself which isn’t really the base of a stable relationship. I don’t know. I don’t want to force things. And I certainly don’t need more trouble going on in my scrambled up mind for the moment. So let it be and we’ll see.
I think my dog just farted, gosh, it stinks. Let me go open a window. It’s still kind of cold outside but the snow is all gone or nearly. There’s still three months of winter though so the white blanket may come cover us up again. I don’t mind, it’s rather pretty but please don’t go down to those minus too-many degrees again. The drafty window in my room doesn’t help my jumbled up internal alarm clock.
My new year’s resolution is to stop expecting things. That shows just how optimistic my mood is.
Whenever someone says the word “God”, I imagine him sticking out his tongue and giving me the middle finger.
I’m sorry, I should be all positive about 2011 getting a start on but I’m on the opposite road right now.
Charlotte’s family sent me a card. It’s beautiful. There’s a picture of them on the front with a silver outing and little pink stars. That’s how I should be feeling. Little pink star like.
For example during the twilight hours at around two in the morning when there’s no one but Sylvain awake on his computer. I’m sorry Sylvain.
First I’m cold then I laugh then I’m a bitch then I don’t talk anymore then I run back to you when all seems to be falling down. I don’t know where I’m heading myself and it feels horrible.
I get this huge depression fits where I just feel loneliness and get so peeved up by everything. I don’t want to tell everyone out there exactly what goes through my mind but I imagine myself doing stuff and just thinking about them makes me feel scared. That’s when I just want to grip onto anything with a heartbeat.
And I finally fall asleep and wake up two hours later. I feel exhausted.
Way to start a new year.
I had a weird dream last night. I was talking to some of my guy friends about their ex-girlfriends and mentally comparing myself to each of them. It was getting ridiculous. I got mad jealous when one of the guys told me his model like girl had a pet stingray. It felt so unfair.
Not that I want a pet stingray but I’m still in my stingray phase. Those animals are amazing. I love stingrays.
Which leads us to my non existent love life. Roxane has been teasing me about it. Of course, some circumstances may lead to think that someone really pleases me but, to be honest, I’m not sure about the whole thing myself. I might just be being selfish because I wish I had someone to lean on all for myself which isn’t really the base of a stable relationship. I don’t know. I don’t want to force things. And I certainly don’t need more trouble going on in my scrambled up mind for the moment. So let it be and we’ll see.
I think my dog just farted, gosh, it stinks. Let me go open a window. It’s still kind of cold outside but the snow is all gone or nearly. There’s still three months of winter though so the white blanket may come cover us up again. I don’t mind, it’s rather pretty but please don’t go down to those minus too-many degrees again. The drafty window in my room doesn’t help my jumbled up internal alarm clock.
My new year’s resolution is to stop expecting things. That shows just how optimistic my mood is.
Whenever someone says the word “God”, I imagine him sticking out his tongue and giving me the middle finger.
I’m sorry, I should be all positive about 2011 getting a start on but I’m on the opposite road right now.
Charlotte’s family sent me a card. It’s beautiful. There’s a picture of them on the front with a silver outing and little pink stars. That’s how I should be feeling. Little pink star like.
My dog looks bored. I'm going to take him out for a while.
You got to stop expecting to be happy for happiness to come to you.
You got to stop expecting to be happy for happiness to come to you.
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